Desperate for love and attention

“I was raised by my aunt and I believed that my mother did not love me. Because of that, I had emptiness inside of me and I yearned for my mother’s love and attention. In grade 8, I received my first smartphone. I texted men and had inappropriate conversations with them, and I took seductive pictures of myself. I was desperate for love and I was willing to go to any extremes to receive it. I wanted to be recognised and I befriended anyone and everyone on social media. 

 

Most of my school friends were boys. When they introduced me to pornography, I started watching it at school. I watched it even when I was alone because it helped me numb the pain I was feeling. I also started smoking. I felt so empty that I dated multiple men. I dated anyone who asked me out. I was never satisfied with anything and because of that, I always wanted to do something more extreme than previously. I also started dating women, and when my mother found out, she kicked me out of the house. I went to stay with my girlfriend but I was uncomfortable being there. I felt afraid. 

 

I decided to go back home, and I realised that I had to make serious changes in my life. I turned to the Universal Church for help and started attending services there. I broke up with my girlfriend, deleted my social media accounts, changed my number and stopped wearing the inappropriate clothes I had. I also stopped smoking and watching pornography. I participated in the fast to receive the Holy Spirit. I read and meditated on the Word of God every day. I sought the Holy Spirit with all my heart. I told God that I could not live without His presence, and when I finally received the Holy Spirit, I had the assurance that God was inside me.

 

I learnt to love and respect myself. I do not need to beg for attention. I understand that God loves me and I do not need anyone else’s approval. I no longer feel empty because I have the presence of God inside me. When I face challenges, I do not fall apart because I know that God will take care of everything. My relationship with my mother has improved tremendously and we spend quality time together. The Holy Spirit is my friend and He never leaves me,” said Thandeka.