When I was on the street, I wished to be hit by a car or a taxi

“My life turned upside down when my grandmother passed on. She was my comforter, the only person I could talk to and rely on. Her death left me completely shattered. I couldn’t understand why God allowed me to go through that and I resented Him for it.

I started self-harming to try to alleviate the pain I felt inside. The physical pain was better than what I felt inside. I often cut myself in places that I could easily conceal with clothes. I didn’t want people to know what I was going through. I also started drinking and going out with friends but I couldn’t find comfort in any of that.

I had a strong desire to die. When I was on the street, I wished to be hit by a car or a taxi because there was nothing that I was living for. I had suicidal thoughts because I could no longer handle the pain. I had no hope for a better life. I spent many nights contemplating suicide. 

My mother was already attending services in the Universal Church, and seeing the pain I was in, she invited me to attend services with her. I continued attending services in the church, but I was still angry at God, until one day when the pastor spoke about surrendering our lives to God. I prayed sincerely and told God how angry I was with Him. After making that confession, I felt different and light. God understood and accepted me. That marked the start of a new chapter in my life.

I decided to change my behaviour. I engaged in the chains of prayers for my deliverance from suicidal thoughts. I stopped self-harming and committed myself to God. I attended the Wednesday and Sunday services for my spiritual development. I got baptised in water to symbolise the start of a new life with God. 

I am a changed person. I no longer self-harm and I have no desire to die because I found my purpose in life. My life is fulfilled and I made peace with my grandmother’s passing. I have the presence of God inside me and He gives me the joy and comfort I need, and I know that God is with me every step of the way,” said Karabo.