I intentionally hurt myself

“I became depressed after my father left us when we were still young. This made me develop anger towards him and I no longer wanted to speak to him or anyone in his family. This anger turned into grudges that were so deep-seated that I started suffering from anxiety attacks.

During that time, my father became sick and passed on. My whole world came crashing down.  I felt guilty and thought that I should have forgiven him and not held a grudge against him. I started drinking alcohol to dull the pain. I could not sleep well and would wake up with my chest feeling tight, as if someone was pressing me down. 

I had deep sadness inside of me, as if I was in this dark place and had no strength to pull myself out of it. I became suicidal and I sometimes intentionally hurt myself. I burnt my hands in the oven, pulled out my hair and hit my head on the wall. I wanted to feel pain on my body to avoid dealing with the pain I felt inside. I could not bear the emptiness inside me.

My mother invited me to attend services in the Universal Church. I participated in the chains of prayers for my deliverance because I wanted God to transform my life. I decided to forgive my father and myself. I let go of the anger and grudges I had harboured for a long time. It was not easy but I persevered and sought the presence of God.

I am now a happy person, I am no longer angry or sad, nor do I have any grudges. I do not suffer from guilt or anxiety attacks. I am not depressed and I do not desire to kill myself. I sleep well at night and have peace. I do not need to party, drink or smoke to feel good because when I received the presence of God, I received everlasting joy,” said Candice.